Wednesday, September 06, 2006
I feel... drugged.
Am supposed to STOP PROCRASTINATING, but yesterday and today have been two totally disappointing days.
I didn't even feel like turning up for work! I want to use the excuse "cos i have been sick for 1.5 weeks and i am very tired coughing all day long", and i could fool the whole world but not myself!
I am just a bad, bad girl when it comes to getting your priorities right. I tend to make last minute decisions, most of which are unrational, are made to tailor to my mood at that point of time, and the ending isn't pretty.
People who have experienced my poor decisions hate me, and if they weren't too badly affected we still might be friends, but really, any trust that we had between us takes a real beating.
I am supposed to stop doing this.
But as you can tell, i am procrastinating. I delay the need to stop making lousy, last minute decisions. (what am i? a big CEO? HA HA HA, NO!)
Digressing. I spent a bit of time moping just now, cos i just made a bad decision of cancelling my appointment with a friend of mine. Well, i didn't read his blog post until now, and he sounded really angry. But i didnt have to read it to realize my mistake, i started feeling guilty from the time he smsed me telling me it's ok.
Well, if you spent so much time burning discs, preparing lessons, finding old files, and set time aside to teach me, and i cancel the appointment with less than an hour's notice, would you be angry?
I would be goddamn angry, not to mention very disappointed!
No point saying this now. It's already done, i've already missed today's chance to learn. Wasted hours doing nothing productive. And i do need to review my priorities.
I wrote them down on a stickie note, but seems like i wrote them down for fun. And i can come home from work or play everynight and read it, understand it but fail to put it to use in everyday life. I need to learn to seek the truth in every situation, and make good decisions. I will make a consious effort to think with a proper state of mind, emotions not included.
Sigh. Rachael is down with pneumonia. And i am coughing badly. I do need to stop pitying myself cos i need to stand up and walk forward
I believe i can do it.
All i have to do is learn. learn learn learn.
11:02 PM
